Week #1, August 29-September 4:

Hey Class,

Thanks for plugging into this class.  I am excited about working with you, as we learn about, but, more so, as we learn to do family.

Several of you know me.  If you do you are welcome to skip over this part of the lesson.  (For convenience I'm posting this portion of the lesson in blue, so you know how far to scroll down.

I'm a retired pastor.  I served at the Covington Bible Church for forty-two years.  Covington is a small factory city in the Appalachian Mountains of Virginia.  Often when I meet people from Micronesia they assume that I come from a big place, because I'm an American.  The fact is the City of Covington only has about 5,000 residents.  The region where I live is much less densely  populated
that many of the Islands where you live.  Most of the people in my area work with their hands.  The main product that comes from my home town is packaging paper.  We make what is called "bleached board," basically poster board.  Another product that we make is activated carbon.  It is likely that the carbon in the evaporative-control canister in your car was made about four miles from my house.  (see here)
I have been married to Kathy for forty-four years, in fact, as I am writing this introduction, Kathy and I are on a trip to celebrate our forty-fourth.  We have two boys and seven grandchildren.  This picture is about a year old.  The big guy with a beard, Chad, is a pastor in Louisiana.  The tall guy next to me, Chris, works in a ministry that prepares people (mostly college students) to go to the nations with the Gospel.  You'll hear more about my family as this semester unfolds.  You are welcome to ask.
I enjoy bike riding, traveling, wood-working, gardening, and reading.  
I have been to Micronesia at least a dozen times--Guam, Palau, and Chuuk (just once).  Kathy and I lived on Guam for about six weeks, and last winter we lived in Palau for four months.  We plan to be there again for the Spring Semester of 2017.
Kathy and I are both graduates of Appalachian Bible Institute (now College).  I took more work at Baptist Bible College of Pennsylvania (Now Clark Summit University) and received a Bachelor of Theology Degree from ABI.  I received a Master of Arts in Religion from Liberty Seminary.  Kathy is a piano player and music teacher.  
If you want to know more, send me a note.  BTW, I want to be as available as possible.  My email is hmerrell@piu.edu.  My Skype name is howard.merrell.  My cell number is 540 691 6539.  I can often be found on Facebook.  I haven't gotten into Twitter, or some of the other newer social-media, yet.

OK, now, some stuff about this class.  You can find more detail in the syllabus.  I encourage you to become familiar with it.  This class is a hybrid--part online and part classroom.  For most of you, that means I'll see you in October.  For others it will mean watching some video recordings.  I'm working hard to make sure that everyone has maximum access to the course materials.

There are a couple of delivery systems we are using for this class.  You might be:

• Reading this from a disk that you picked up from our PIU-Palau Teaching Facility, or the PIU
  
  office on Guam.
• Reading it online on your computer or on your cellphone.
• Reading this from one of our computers at our PIU-Palau T.F.
• Or by the time you take this class we may have figured out an entirely different way of getting this to you.  

However you are receiving this material, it will be the same for each of you.
For the first couple of weeks I'll err on the side of giving too much explanation, rather than too little.  Right now here are some instructions that should apply all through this class:

• Because of the variety of delivery systems, we won't be using an online discussion tool.  It will be kind of clunky, but here is what we'll do:
  Some of the assignments will be marked "Discussion Assignment."  Primarily these will consist of questions or assignments that will:
  a)  require you to give your input, and
  b)  assignments that require you to comment on the input of other students.
  You'll find the first such assignment in the assignment section at the end of this post.  In weeks to come those assignments will be supplemented by material that you will find in an email I'll send you at the beginning of each week.  (Keep in mind that because some of you are working from a recorded cd, I am getting at least the first several weeks of these sessions done before the class starts.  These emails will keep us up to date on the discussion.)  To make this plan work you'll need to send me an email containing your discussion assignment for that week by Friday night 11:59 pm Palau time.  That will get it to me before noon on Friday, my time.  I'll do what I need to do with it and get an email to you by 9:00 am Monday, Palau time (PT).  (If I'm late, I'll send you a BE LATE for FREE coupon.  In fact I'm feeling generous tonight, so I'm going to send everyone a BLfF card to get started.  Just let me know if and when you want to cash it in.  So you are going to need to be committed to send me an email before midnight Friday, and to pick up my email sometime on Monday.  If you need to, you can make arrangements with Shamira to help you with sending and receiving email.  If you get your work to me late, it will be graded down, 5 points/day. 
• Some of the assignments and discussions might involve some information that you don't want others to know.  When I ask you to comment on thoughts presented by your classmate or that come from one of the couples you are interviewing, I will say something like, "One of your classmates said . . ."  Some of what you share with me won't even show up in that way.  I have been a pastor all of my life and am well aware of the need for maintaining discretion.  That is something we'll work at in this class.  Information that is private will remain between you, me, and the Lord.
• You need to complete the week-one assignment and get it to me by Friday 11:59 pm (PT).  This is how we will take attendance to make sure that those who are signed up for this class are actually taking it.
  After that, as long as you get your assignments in on time, complete your work by December 9, and are present for the class sessions, October 17-28 (Physical presence is required for students in Palau.  Others of you, who have made suitable arrangements,will be present by recording),  you can work at your own pace.  You should keep in mind, however, that if you fall behind the schedule your likelihood of failing this class is greater.

OK, that's enough housekeeping for now.


This week we are going to work on a basic, and absolutely foundational question--What is family? 

Some weeks I will subdivide the material into part A & part B.  This week I'm not doing that.  You can divide it up however you would like.

 Take a few minutes and watch this classic comedy piece from two of America's greatest comedians, Abbott and Costello.  It is about baseball, a sport that both Palauans and American's enjoy.  You can find the skit on your cd.  It's in the audio-video folder, labeled "Who's on First," or click on the picture below to watch it on Youtube.

(If the link on the picture doesn't work, copy and paste this URL to your browser:  https://youtu.be/kTcRRaXV-fg


Come back here after you watch it.

 I hope you enjoyed that as much as I did.  I like a good laugh, but that isn't the only reason I asked you to watch this.
Having a conversation about something requires that we have some idea what we are talking about.  
We can't assume, when we talk about marriage and family, that we are all talking about the same thing.  Thirty-six years ago Jay Adams said,

We are living in a culture in transition.  We live in a time when all the old values have been challenged (both within and without the church).  They have been pulled up by the roots, thrown up into the air, and are now beginning to come down like tossed salad.

1. Christians are confused.  They aren't sure what to believe.
2. They don't know how much is tradition and how much is biblical.
3. They want to reject the traditions of men in favor of a more biblical stance.
4. But they don't know where to find the help they need.   (xiii)

So, what is a family?

I'm not sure how it is where you live, but in the USA, where I have lived for most of my life, the accepted definition has been changing.

You can check this out by looking at this topic in articles (here is a short news video from a few years ago), or seeing how it was portrayed on TV, etc., five, ten, 20, fifty years ago.  Here are some pictures and descriptions that depict how the definition of the family has evolved over the last half a century in the West.  While the same evolution might not have taken place in Micronesia, I am confident that there has been change.  Since what happens in Europe and the USA tends to be exported to other places, you can be confident that these trends are headed your way.

 Your teacher, Howard Merrell, is the same age as Theodore, Beaver, Cleaver.  This family was

considered to be stereotypical American family. White, well-educated, middle-class.

Twenty years later the Jeffersons were “moving on up.” 

 The American public had to deal with the fact that the ideal Family is not necessarily white.  George Jefferson was a successful business man who surpassed many of his white neighbors in income, yet he maintained his “Black” ways.  America's ideal family needed to include people of color.

Archie Bunker had trouble dealing with families like the Jeffersons.  His family wasn’t made up of people of color, but it was a colorful bunch.  Archie was prejudiced and coarse.  Edith was a few bricks shy of a  full load.  Son-in-law, Michael, whom Archie calls Meathead.  Can’t afford a place of his own, and Gloria is a feminist, air-head.  All In The Family challenged just about every idea about what the American family is like, or ought to be.

 It was in a science-fiction series, but TV’s first interracial kiss caused a stir in the real world.  Star Trek boldly went where no TV show had gone before.

Soon American popular culture was portraying “families” of every imaginable combination. 

It is no wonder that the popular conception of a family has been evolving.  Here is a question I’ll leave unanswered right now.  Is this evolution of the definition of a family good or bad?

Our goal in this class on marriage and family is not so much to define family from the viewpoint of the way families are, though we will do some of that.  Our goal in this class is to prescribe the way families ought to be.  Our ultimate standard is the Word of God.

For this reason our thinking will be mostly forward.  We will look back at the family into which we were born, or entered by means of adoption (or perhaps some other way) so that we can better understand, but we'll do that so we can apply what we learn to the future.
I have friends who grew up in an orphanage.  In a sense they didn't really have a family.

< Almost all of us, though, were born, or adopted, into some kind of a family.
     
                        Most of us are, or will be, a part of a family of our choosing.  >

I had no say in being born to Audley and Irene Merrell.  I chose to form a family with Kathleen Marsceau.  Even if my marriage to Kathy had been arranged, I would have been in a far greater position to make it into a good family than I had been concerning the family into which I was born.

There are at least three reasons why we are making the family we form by marriage the primary focus of this class:

1. We will talk about this more in the classroom sessions, but the primary relationship within the family is wife and husband.  
2. The family of our birth is largely in our past.  For most of you, the family of your marriage is still in front of you.
3. The Biblical model is that parents are to lead children.  So, while we are in the home of our birth, we are not in the best position to bring about change.  Every marriage represents a new opportunity.

So we are going to proceed at this point with our focus on marriage, as being the definitive aspect of family.  To put it another way:  If we accurately define marriage, the definition of the family will become much clearer.  (Make sure you take note of what John Piper has to say about this in the first book you are reading for this class.)

I need to interject a word of caution and encouragement.

One reason the definition of the family and marriage has been changing is because we don't want to hurt others, especially innocent children who are in families that don't fit the definition of a "normal" family.  That is a good motivation.  In particular as God's people, we should desire to help, not hurt.  In my life of pastoring, I have seen lots of families that didn't meet the criteria for for normal.  Sometimes the criteria for deciding what a normal family is, was sinful and wrong.  (Remember that question at the end of the "Evolution of Definition," above.)  My goal was always to help those families, and the people in them.  Whether the abnormality was the result of sin, death, or other forces, I sought to be an instrument of grace to help.  That is what the church ought to do.  We do not help, however, by ever expanding the bounds of normalcy--in essence saying that everything is OK.  

We reach back and help people where they are.

We point ahead and help people build a better way.

If you want to take a break, this would be a good place,
but it's up to you.

Here is a verse from the Bible that talks about marriage.  Remember, at least from our perspective right now, that is where family gets started.

(You have an option at this point.  You can read the last part of this lesson, or click here, or on the graphic below, and go to a brief video--PPt & narration [https://youtu.be/rWyi88zmLi4].  Either way, make sure you take note of the material at the end.  If you opt for the video, scroll down to "Your discussion assignment."

“Marriage is to be held in honor among all,
and the marriage bed is to be undefiled;
 for fornicators and adulterers God will judge.”

(Hebrews 13:4, NASB95)  

(One of the advantages of this kind of class is the opportunity it affords each of you to make the class uniquely your own.  One of the ways that you might want to do that is to keep a copy of the Bible handy in whatever language and translation that works best for you.  When I mention a passage of scripture, like I just did, take time to read it in your heart language, as well as in the English translation that I will include.)  

“Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge.”

I entered this verse so that the first part of the verse, and the last part are in contrasting colors.  The grammar of this verse is such that the first part can be translated as a statement of fact, "Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled" (NKJV), or as a command or exhortation.  The NASB (above), and ESV are examples of this.  Either way, there is a clear contrast between what is at the beginning of the verse and what is at the end of it.  Yet what is going on, or what is being done--as far as the physical activity--is the same at the beginning of the verse and at the end.  Sexual intercourse is clearly implied by the mention of "bed," especially when it is seen side by side with "fornicators and adulterers."  The ESV and the NIV translate koite with "marriage bed."  In two other places where koite is found in the New Testament, Romans 9:10 & 13:13, it clearly has a sexual connotation.  In Luke 11:7, that flavor is (or at least could be) absent.  Clearly, however, in the context of Hebrews 13:4 the word indicates sexual intercourse.

So at the beginning of the verse sexual intercourse is honorable, or is to be held in honor.

Contrast that with what is found in the second half of the verse.  Fornicators, pornous, and Adulterers, moixous, are words that describe those who have sexual intercourse outside the bounds of marriage.  So, at the end of the verse sexual intercourse brings the persons involved under God's judgment.  

Here is a very important question:

What is different about the sexual intercourse at the beginning of this verse when compared with that at the end of the verse? 

The answer is obvious and is found in the verse itself, but before I confirm the answer that you probably already have in your head, I'll quote from Simon Kistemaker.

"Christians, then, must set the example of living sexually pure lives (1 Thess. 4:7) and keep the commandment “You shall not commit adultery.”  (Vol. 15, p. 410)

How do we do that?   That is where the answer to the above stated question comes in.  It is part of this class's title--MARRIAGE.  The unseen pivot point in Hebrews 13:4 is marriage.

I could say a great deal right now, but I have already said quite a bit, so let me simply say that if marriage is something that makes that great a difference--and that is not all that marriage does--then it is something we had better understand.  We'll be working on that all semester long.  I hope you'll continue to work on it after that.  If I don't know the name of the players in the infield in a baseball game it really doesn't matter.  Knowing the difference between a God-honoring marriage, and a judgment-bringing sinful relationship is absolutely important.  Our assignment for this session will get us started.  You need to get this assignment to me by Friday night.  


Your discussion assignment, to be emailed to hmerrell@piu.edu, by 11:59 pm, 9/2/2016.  

• Identify the 2 couples you will interview and verify their willingness to participate.  (See the instructions for this assignment below.)
• Send the instructors a picture of yourself.
• Discussion Question:  When it comes to marriage, do you identify with Lou Costello?  In the rapidly changing world where we live are you having trouble figuring out "What?" and, "Who?"  Leaving aside for the present the issue of same sex marriage, propose a question that we need to answer if we are going to arrive at a definition of marriage.

Scroll down to the Assignment Worksheet and use it to send your assignment to the instructor.

Here are the instructions for the interviews with two married couples.  You do not need to complete these interviews this week, but you need to decide who you will interview and get their agreement to participate.  It is best if you can interview these couples face to face.  If need be, with the instructor's permission, you can do your interview by phone or Skype.  If you have no other alternatives, the instructor will give you permission to interview the couples via email.  You absolutely may not do your interviews via text messaging.

INTERVIEWING MARRIED COUPLES

You are to interview two married couples, one interview is due on week 7, 10/14, and the other one on week 8, 10/21.  One couple should have already been married more than 25 years, the other less than 5 years.  Please type up the responses they give.  Feel free to skip any questions that are not appropriate.  You should choose couples that you respect.

QUESTIONS (You can cut & paste these and enter the answers you receive.  You may want to obtain permission to record the conversations to make your interview more natural):

1)      How long have you been married?

    2)     Describe the means by which you became married. Who was involved. Would you  
            advise couples contemplating marriage to follow your example?

    3)     How long did you know each other before you were married? Was this timing about 
             right?
    4)        What are two things that you REALLY ENJOY about being married?
     5)     What are two things that have been challenging/difficult about being married?

     6)    Were there any times when you came close to separation or divorce? What were 
            the circumstances involved with those times? 

     7)   Do you have children?  What affect did children have (or do you think children will 
           have on your marriage?

     8)   How is God related to your marriage?

     9)   Do you ever do devotions as a couple? Pray as a couple? Study God’s word as a 
           couple?

    10)  How has God strengthened your ministry or church work because of your marriage?

    11) What advice would you give me about marriage?

*****************************************

Assignment Worksheet:

Please copy and paste the following form into your email form, or document.  Fill in the necessary information and send it to me before midnight Friday, hmerrell@piu.edu.

1)  Have you read the syllabus for this CFOR 303 course?  Yes ____, No ____,
     If you have a question about the syllabus enter it below.

2)  Identify the two couples you will interview and get their agreement to participate.

If possible give the names of the two couples you are going to interview.  Just first names are fine.  If you would rather not record their names just give a generic description--A young French Couple, a retired Chuukese husband and wife.

Less than 5 years married couple: ___________________________________________

     Did this couple agree to be interviewed for this class?  _________________________

More than 25 years married couple: ___________________________________________

     Did this couple agree to be interviewed for this class?  _________________________

3)  Picture:  
Send us a picture of yourself, if possible one with your family.  The instructors for this class have included a picture of their families in the syllabus.

4)  Discussion Question:  

When it comes to marriage and family, do you identify with Lou Costello?  In the rapidly changing world where we live are you having trouble figuring out "What?" and, "Who?"  Leaving aside for the present the issue of same sex marriage, propose a question that we need to answer if we are going to arrive at a definition of marriage.  (This is not the same as the assignment due on 10/21.)

5)  List any question you have about this lesson.  (Keep in mind that you are welcome to contact HM, via email at any time.  If you have the capability of using Skype we can set up a time to talk.)

*****************************

Assignments, from syllabus, due:  (All assignments, unless otherwise stated, are due Friday, 11:59 pm, Palau time.)

·         Your first problem is due 9/9

“Write a paragraph for each of the three most common problems you have experienced or observed in marriage and family” (syllabus).  This problem should be something that you have experienced, expect to experience, or that impacts you in some way.  Avoid questions that concern matters that are completely external to you. 

·         The Family Background Paper is due 9/16.  Below are the instructions for that paper.  

Note:  Since there are no exams in this class, the instructor may require that you revise your papers in order to make sure that you have mastered key concepts.

·         Complete reading of This Momentary Marriage by 9/23

Problem #2 due, 9/30

INSTRUCTIONS FOR FAMILY BACKGROUND PAPER/PPt project:

Use the paragraph headings as described below.  If you choose to make a PPt presentation use the headings for slides to introduce each section of your slide show.  The paragraphs should be separate and distinct.  Paragraphs 2. and 3. should be the longest.  Do not make paragraph 1. longer than one page.  Be sure to have a paragraph for each of the six headings below.  Use any of the anthropological/sociological terms from week 2 that are appropriate.

1.       Description of my family.   Describe your family by giving names of your parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts and uncles who had an influence on you.  (You may use fictitious names if you choose, but write about your real family.)  If you are married, or have children as a single parent, add an extra paragraph describing the family that consists of you, your spouse and your children.  So, in this case you would have two paragraphs instead of one.   If you were adopted or mainly raised by someone other than your natural parents, use that family when describing your relatives.

(The following headings apply primarily to your birth family.)

2.       What I learned from my family.  Tell what you learned about the following: 

·         role of the husband, the wife, and how to parent from watching your parents and grandparents or whomever raised you.

·         rules they reinforced in the family

·         roles they asked you to play in the family

·         relationships they modeled in the family

3.       How I felt.  Now ask yourself the question, “Did I feel loved, secure and at peace growing up in my family?”  Tell how your family tried to show love to you.  If you did not feel loved or secure at times, tell why by mentioning the effect the interaction of any or all that the following had on you and your own self understanding.

·         Sense of belonging.  Affection/Attachment

·         Living conditions

·         Adoption, divorces, infidelity

·         Anger and conflict

·         Alcohol/chemical abuse

·         Emotional disorders such as depression

·         Addictions such as gambling, pornography, eating disorders.

·         Abuse (physical, sexual, emotional) mentioning the recipient of abuse

NOTE:  You do not have to disclose names, but mention how you were involved and the effect.

4.       Good memories.  What are some good memories from your family life that you want to carry on in your present or future married life?

5.       Changes I would make.  What are some things you would want to do differently in your own marriage and family?

6.       Lost words.  What are you still hoping to hear from your parents or family members that you wish you heard when you were growing up?

This paper is not about dishonoring or blaming your family.  Rather, it is to help you understand how growing up in your environment has shaped who you are today and your view of marriage.

Please remember that you can decide what you want to disclose in this paper.  You do not have to reveal any particular information that you choose not to reveal.  However, you will get out of this paper what you put into it.  Please be assured that any information that you do disclose is confidential and will not be shared with anyone.  I will be the only one reading this paper.

I understand that some students have difficult family situations.  If you want to discuss anything personally with me be sure to mention it when you come and see me. 

If you choose to do this project as a PowerPoint, include slides that display the paragraph headings above.  Be sure to include slides that cover the material as described above.  

(This assignment is based on instructions developed by Steve Bradley in his years of teaching marriage and Family at PIU.

**************************************************************** 

Works cited in this lesson:

Adams, Jay. Marriage Divorce and Remarriage In The Bible. Phillipsburg: Presbyterian and Reformed, 1980.

Kistemaker, Simon. Hebrews Baker NTC. Grand Rapids: Baker, 1984. Logos.

Bradley, Steven, Class notes, CFOR 303, PIU