Week 2:

Week # 2, Varieties Of Family Structure:  Is My Way The Only Way?

In this lesson we will look at several terms that are used to describe families.  These terms are used in the discipline known as sociology.  This isn’t a class on sociology, and I’m certainly not a sociologist, but familiarizing ourselves with these terms and concepts will help us better understand our families and other families.  These terms will also help us in our discussions.  Using these words will provide a convenient way for us to communicate with greater understanding.  You should use any of these terms that apply in completing your Family Background project, due 9/16.  (See instructions at the end of this lesson.)  I encourage you to put together a glossary of terms.  Add to it as we continue to work our way through family.

Before we move ahead, though, we need to say a bit about culture.  Marriage and Family, and how we do family, are aspects of culture.  That makes our task in this class challenging.  I am an old guy from the United States, a culture that is strongly influenced by its roots in Europe.  To speak of an American culture, however, is probably not accurate.  Sure most Americans speak English—though that is changing--know at least a bit about baseball, and have eaten a hot-dog and a piece of apple-pie.  If you take a day, though, and just drive around the USA, you will notice that there is a great variety of ways Americans live.  There are rich and poor, people who live in rural areas, small towns, and big cities.  Some individuals and families highly value working with one’s hands, while others look down on such labor as menial.  There are countless other ways that Americans are divided culturally, and that’s just my nation.

I want to make clear that I’m not trying to impose my culture on you.  Perhaps it would be ideal if I 

could be totally neutral in my teaching about marriage and family.  I am trying to eliminate as many of my cultural biases as possible, but I know that complete cultural neutrality is impossible.  I am a mid-sixties, Southern, Evangelical, mostly Republican, white man, who grew up in a suburb of a large Northern City, Chicago, and spent his adult life in a town in the mountains of Virginia, where the major source of income is a large manufacturing plant that makes paper.  Keep that in mind as we move forward in this class. 

All cultures, yours, mine, anybody else’s, have problems.

If you catch me teaching as if the way “my people” do things is inherently better than the way your people do them, please point that out to me.

If you want to follow along as I read the next section from Dr. Lingenfelter’s book, open the file “Cultural Prison” if you are working from the pdf you’ll need to do it manually, or click here if you are online.

In chapter 1 of his book, Transforming Culture: A Challenge for Christian Mission, Sherwood Lingenfelter speaks of culture in general as being “inextricably infected by sin.”  He describes culture as a prison.

 The first task is understanding our prison and the cultural prisons of others. The notion of a prison of disobedience is repulsive to many. We often picture a prison as a medieval dungeon, deep underground in a stone castle, with bars, clanking iron doors, and a small trapdoor through which the keeper thrusts our daily rations of moldy bread and water. No wonder readers resist this conceptualization of culture. Perhaps a different illustration will help. A beautiful walled park in the center of Seoul, Korea, contains the homes, gardens, and servants’ quarters of the king and royal family of Korea. During the nineteenth century the king and his family occupied this famous residence, the Palace of the Secret Garden. Because of his extremely high status, custom declared that the king could not leave the palace grounds; he was in fact a prisoner in his palace. However, life within the walls was magnificent. He enjoyed the most beautifully furnished, heated, and decorated living quarters in Korea. He had household servants to care for every need. He enjoyed a beautiful garden and pond where the finest scholars, poets, and artists in Korea came to do their work. The only catch: he was a political prisoner, unable to see and experience the outside world. To compensate for this deprivation, he had a second palace built on the back of the palace grounds. This palace, decorated in black and white, gave the king the illusion of what it was like to live in the “commoner world” outside of the palace walls. But it was only an illusion; he lived in his prison unaware of the pain, poverty, and freedom of the life of a commoner.Lingenfelter goes on to point out how

that Satan, when he tempted Jesus, claimed authority over the kingdoms of the world.  I would add that in Ephesians 2, the world and its ways are described in a way that is parallel with Satan’s claim.  Paul said that before the Ephesians had come to faith in Jesus Christ they “walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, of the spirit that is now working in the sons of disobedience.”  He goes to point out, “Among them we too all formerly lived in the lusts of our flesh, indulging the desires of the flesh and of the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, even as the    rest.”  (Ephesians 2:2–3, NASB95)

“We too all formerly lived . . .” everyone of us, in one of earth’s cultures, lived that way pre-Christ.  Lingenfelter goes on.  “Our cultural palaces are our prisons. . . . Culture, economy, and state are [Satan’s] to rule as God allows. The church is called out, the people of God, to live in a world of many cultures as “strangers and pilgrims” [emphasis added] (1 Peter 2: 11 KJV).  (Lingenfelter, Sherwood G. Transforming Culture: A Challenge for Christian Mission (Kindle Locations 197-228 of 3137). Baker Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.)

To one degree or another every culture is under the dominion of Satan.  Since family life is a part of culture, God’s people in every culture have work to do.  We must model and teach a better way of doing family.  That is a tall order, but that is the quest of this class. 

Our goal is not only to pass the course, but to pass on to our families and communities a better way of doing family.

I challenge myself, and each of you to live under the Word of God—to be people of The Book first, and then people of our land and culture second.

Power Point presentation:  You can find this presentation as a video, as a PPt, and as a pdf in the “Week 2” folder on your cd.  I included the pdf as a convenient study/review tool.    There is a video embedded in the presentation.  It should play automatically if you use one of the video versions or if you use the 2013 PPt file, and your computer likes it.  If it doesn’t play you can find the video on your class cd, “To Duck or Not to Duck.”  You can also find it at https://youtu.be/zdd0yf6kIbE.  The video is public domain. The video version of the Ppt presentation can be accessed online here.

The variety of family structures is illustrated by the terms that anthropologists and sociologists use to describe families.  This PowerPoint Presentation will acquaint you with a few of these terms.  As you complete the “My Family Background” paper, keep these terms in mind.  (Don’t forget the glossary.)  Just being aware of these ways of looking at family structure will give you some new insights into your family.  Use any of the terms that are appropriate to your family in writing your paper.  While these terms can be found in a variety of texts and presentations, I have used the opening chapters of a text by Stephen Grunlan as my guide for this part of my presentation. 

View and listen to the PowerPoint program, “Week 2,” found on your class cd. You may want to scan the assignment section of this lesson, below, before you watch the ppt.   When you have have finished with the ppt, you are on your own for the rest of week.  Make sure you get your work in on time.

View the PowerPoint, for week 2.  You’ll find it in a couple of formats in the week 2 folder, or via the links above.  One should work for you.

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Work you need to get done:

Discussion Questions.  Cut and paste to email:

Concerning the video “To Duck or Not To Duck”:

1)  What ascribed statuses were the characters born (or hatched) with?

2)  Are there any achieved   statuses shown in the cartoon?

3)  Are there any examples of these characters acting contrary to their expected roles?

4)  Are you struggling with your statuses and roles?  Explain.

Also respond to the question that was in the email from last Monday.

Make sure you check your syllabus and keep up on your work. 

Assignments due:  (All assignments, unless otherwise stated, are due Friday, 11:59 pm, Palau time.)

·         Your first problem is due 9/9
“Write a paragraph for each of the three most common problems you have experienced or observed in marriage and family” (syllabus).  This problem should be something that you have experienced, expect to experience, or that impacts you in some way.  Avoid questions that concern matters that are completely external to you. 

·         The Family Background Paper is due 9/16.  Below are the instructions for that paper. 
Note:  Since there are no exams in this class, the instructor may require that you revise your papers in order to make sure that you have mastered key concepts.

·         Complete reading of This Momentary Marriage by 9/23

·         Problem #2 due, 9/30

INSTRUCTIONS FOR FAMILY BACKGROUND PAPER/PPt project:

Use the paragraph headings as described below.  If you choose to make a PPt presentation use the headings for slides to introduce each section of your slide show.  The paragraphs should be separate and distinct.  Paragraphs 2. and 3. should be the longest.  Do not make paragraph 1. longer than one page.  Be sure to have a paragraph for each of the six headings below.  Use any of the anthropological/sociological terms from week 2 that are appropriate.

1.       Description of my family.   Describe your family by giving names of your parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts and uncles who had an influence on you.  (You may use fictitious names if you choose, but write about your real family.)  If you are married, or have children as a single parent, add an extra paragraph describing the family that consists of you, your spouse and your children.  So, in this case you would have two paragraphs instead of one.   If you were adopted or mainly raised by someone other than your natural parents, use that family when describing your relatives.

(The following headings apply primarily to your birth family.)

2.       What I learned from my family.  Tell what you learned about the following: 

·         role of the husband, the wife, and how to parent from watching your parents and grandparents or whomever raised you.

·         rules they reinforced in the family

·         roles they asked you to play in the family

·         relationships they modeled in the family

3.       How I felt.  Now ask yourself the question, “Did I feel loved, secure and at peace growing up in my family?”  Tell how your family tried to show love to you.  If you did not feel loved or secure at times, tell why by mentioning the effect the interaction of any or all that the following had on you and your own self understanding.

·         Sense of belonging.  Affection/Attachment

·         Living conditions

·         Adoption, divorces, infidelity

·         Anger and conflict

·         Alcohol/chemical abuse

·         Emotional disorders such as depression

·         Addictions such as gambling, pornography, eating disorders.

·         Abuse (physical, sexual, emotional) mentioning the recipient of abuse

NOTE:  You do not have to disclose names, but mention how you were involved and the effect.

4.       Good memories.  What are some good memories from your family life that you want to carry on in your present or future married life?

5.       Changes I would make.  What are some things you would want to do differently in your own marriage and family?

6.       Lost words.  What are you still hoping to hear from your parents or family members that you wish you heard when you were growing up?

This paper is not about dishonoring or blaming your family.  Rather, it is to help you understand how growing up in your environment has shaped who you are today and your view of marriage.

Please remember that you can decide what you want to disclose in this paper.  You do not have to reveal any particular information that you choose not to reveal.  However, you will get out of this paper what you put into it.  Please be assured that any information that you do disclose is confidential and will not be shared with anyone.  I will be the only one reading this paper.

I understand that some students have difficult family situations.  If you want to discuss anything personally with me be sure to mention it when you come and see me. 

If you choose to do this project as a PowerPoint, include slides that display the paragraph headings above.  Be sure to include slides that cover the material as described above.  

(This assignment is based on instructions developed by Steve Bradley in his years of teaching marriage and Family at PIU.

Include instructions for 2 assignments.  See list of handouts.

Works cited in this lesson:

Grunlan, Stephen A. Marriage And The Family A Christian Perspective. Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1984

Lingenfelter, Sherwood G. Transforming Culture: A Challenge for Christian Mission (Kindle Edition). Grand Rapids: Baker, 1998

Plantinga, Cornelius Jr. Not the Way It’s Supposed to Be, A Breviary on Sin.  Grand Rapids: Eerdmans, 1995

“To Duck or Not to Duck” is in public domain.