Week 14, Sexual Purity: Does Anybody Do That Anymore?

Don't worry, I haven't forgotten about week 13.  I'll be posting material for it soon.  If you remember, however, I mentioned back in the seventh lecture of our classroom sessions that we would be treating that session and this weeks material kind of like "dinner, and then the leftovers."   So, open the refrigerator door and take advantage of Dinner the Sequel.

There are probably more "leftovers" here than you can consume in several meals.  Scan, read some.  Hold onto this.  It is useful material.  You will likely find some material that will be helpful in your big project.One of our textbooks, Sex Is Not The Problem (Lust Is), obviously has some things to say about this subject.  One of the class requirements is that you read the book.  If you  haven't, do that before you proceed.  Below are some of my observations, and some exercises for you to do.  I hope it will help you get more from the book.

Sex Is Not The Problem (Lust Is), Joshua Harris, highlights & summary:

Be sure you have read the book.

You should take the time to fill in the blanks, answer the questions, and do the work found in this summary.  You don’t need to turn your work in.  If you want to talk about a matter that is raised by the book or this summary, do not hesitate to get in touch with me.

Chapter One:
 Harris tells about his failure in keeping “the contract.”  He says, “the contract really taught me some important lessons about the limitations of human rules and regulations to bring about real change in a person’s life—especially in the area of lust” (20).

On the same page he gives a simple definition for lust:  “Lust is __________________(fill in)___________.”

He goes on to describe the difference between lust and desire.  In your own words, what is that difference?

Make sure that you understand this statement.  He links the failure of “the contract” to:

·         “the wrong standard for holiness,

·         the wrong source of power to change,

·         and the wrong motive for fighting our sin.”

The rest of the chapter develops this.

The heart of Chapter Two is in this paragraph.

“The truth is that Jesus didn’t come to rescue us from our humanity; He entered into our humanity to rescue us from our sinfulness.  He didn’t come to save us from being sexual creatures; He became one of us to save us from the reign of sin and lust, which ruins our sexuality.”

Here are some other statements that stood out to me, that help one understand the difference between lust and legitimate sexual desire.

·         “A sexual thought that pops into your mind isn’t necessarily lust, but it can quickly become lust if it’s entertained and dwelled on” (36). 
Be sure to not the paragraph following this statement and the two extremes. 

·         Closely related is the difference between good, and misplaced shame that Harris deals with on p. 36-37.

·         “Lust is sexual desire minus honor and holiness”  (Piper, 38).

·         “Lust never stays at the level of ‘just a hint’”  (40-41).

·         Two thoughts come to my mind in response to this chapter.  One is something C. S. Lewis said in The Screwtape Letters.  He said something like, an ever increasing desire for an ever diminishing satisfaction.  That is what lust does.  In Romans 13:14, we read, “. . . clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ, and do not think about how to gratify the desires of the flesh.” (emphasis added)  A lust controlled life will be consumed by ways to “satisfy” that lust.  Remember my college-mate, Max, circling the movie theater to get one more look at the pretty girl.  Some people waste large portions of their lives circling for one more look, one more taste, one more thrill. 

Harris finishes chapter 2 with the thought that to control lust is to fight for our sexuality.  “What [God] made is good”  (43).

Chapter 3 begins with the tragic story of Raynald, a prisoner of his own appetite. 

Here is the summary of the chapter:

“Only the power of the gospel can rescue us from the prison of our sin, and only the motive of grace can sustain us in the ongoing struggle against lust.  Getting these two wrong will derail our efforts” (47).

This chapter integrates the struggle against sexual lust into a broader Theological context.

Chapter Four is about making a plan that applies to your needs.

Look at the action points on 74-75.  Take the time, based on these points, to begin to make a personal plan.  Write or print it, and put it somewhere where can refer to it as needed.

Chapter Five is about the difference between guys and girls.  If you haven’t noticed, there is a difference.  We dealt with this in week 3.   On page 87 there is a great statement about how these differences tend to play out in the area we are talking about.  “Men are tempted to give themselves to pornography—women are tempted to commit pornography” (Mohler).

I’ll only say this about Chapter Six. 
If masturbation is a problem for you, give this chapter careful attention.  The underlying truth of this chapter is that sex cannot be divorced from marriage.  God’s intention is that one’s sexuality be lovingly shared with that one special person, our spouse.

Chapter Seven contains some good advice for making decisions concerning what we allow into our hearts.  Be careful.  We may come to differing conclusions about what is OK, but we need to, and we need to help each other to, come to conclusions that won’t involve us in evil (123).

The rest of the book contains some practical ideas/recommendations.  Should you pay special attention to any of these?  If so, add this to your personal plan. 

In the lecture, back on October 26, I shared a story about "Harry's basement."

I don’t know about where you are from, but here in the US often car/mechanical stuff is associated with what I would call soft-porn.  This was especially true before the internet made porn super-available.  It is a kind of porn that may not appeal to young adults, but it obviously, has, or maybe “had,” a powerful attraction to middle-aged mechanics. 

Tool companies and parts companies often had calendars that feature large busted

women with their parts prominently and provocatively displayed.  Hot rod magazines often feature not only beautiful cars and trucks, but also lovely women, provocatively posed on, in, or bending over those vehicles.   The picture to the right is a mild example of what I’m talking about.

For all of the time I have lived in Covington, Harry (not his real name) has been my neighbor.  He has had a life-long love of cars, and though, as far as I know, he was never particularly skilled as a mechanic, his love of things on wheels motivated him to collect a fairly impressive collection of tools.  He is a good neighbor and was willing, even eager to lend me his tools.  The problem is, going into his basement where he keeps them is like running a pornographic obstacle course.  It is not only that there are pictures—old calendars, etc. on the walls, but when you open a tool box to look for a special wrench, a woman with cleavage large enough to hide a small automobile is smiling up at you.  In some of the pictures she is naked from the waist up. 

I don’t find Harry’s collection of pictures particularly lust-inducing.  To be honest, I find them to be more curiosity-inspiring.  “Can a woman with a chest that big, stand up, without help?”  The bigger problem is, I want to be a good influence on Harry.  When I first became his friend, Harry didn’t know the Lord.  While his life was commendable in many ways, his language, his frequent bouts of drunkenness, and the ways he spent his money, left much to be improved upon.  I’m glad to say that I now believe that Harry knows the Lord, but his health problems have prevented him attending church.  Harry has never grown much.  Not only is it important that I not be led to sin, when I go into Harry’s basement to borrow a wrench, it is important that the way Harry sees me react to his collection of pictures is very important.  This was pointedly so, concerning one encounter some years ago.  Harry was selling a window.  A friend, and fellow church member was doing a remodeling project.  I knew that the window Harry was selling would work in my friend’s project, and save him a lot of money.  It had been a while since I had been in Harry’s basement, and I had forgotten about his “decorations.”  I told my friend about the window, and sure enough he was interested.  I called Harry and made arrangements to bring my friend by to look at it.  At the appointed time Harry met my friend and me at his basement door and then it came back to me.  When he escorted us into his domain there was not only the window, but all the ladies.  I had to practice a very narrow focus.  It was important that I look at what I should look at, and that my friend and Harry know that I was looking at what I should look at.

It has been a number of years since I was in Harry’s basement.  Harry is an invalid, so it has been a long time since he has been there.  If the girls are still displayed, they are, no doubt, faded and dust covered.  The world we live in, though, is a lot like Harry’s basement—full of images, and encounters designed to titillate and induce lust.  Look in magazines, catalogs, and online advertisements and you’ll find an abundance of words like, sexy, steamy, provocative, and attractive (begging the question of, “Just what is this engineered to attract one to?”)  Billboards, store displays, online ads, and other media, are clearly produced with the thought in mind of being appealing.  In a sense, we all live in Harry’s basement.  As Christians not only must we deal what this does to us, but how it affects our witness to those around us.

It’s not new.

“I made a covenant with my eyes not to look with lust at a young woman” (Job 31:1, NLT)

We all live in Harry’s basement, don’t we?

Remember the Theological realities.  Eph. 2.  Rom. 1 is the condition after the fall.  Note early in history, Gen. 4:19-24, 1 John 5:19.  The cities of Babylon, Corinth, Rome, were full of moral rottenness.  Temple at Corinth, perfume containers, “art” in Pompey. 

Note the power of lust.

                Genesis 4:7, James 1:13-15que

Job 31:1, esp. for guys.  Also Prov. 5:18-20, 1 Cor. 7:2

Temptation becomes sin when you yield either physically, or mentally, S.o.M.
But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart (Mt 5:28, ESV).

In this wicked world it is important that we be proactive in promoting the truth.  My friend Steve Bradley shares some valuable information with us:

MARRIAGE, FAMILY AND SEXUALITY by Stephen Bradley

The following are very general statements about sexuality within marriage.  The student is encouraged to consult books such as the Sex is not the problem, lust is text and other books for more detail.

1. SEXUAL ACTIVITY AND PLEASURE IS GOD GIVEN
• God created us with a reproductive system so we could have children.  Gen. 1:28

Therefore having children is natural and a gift from God.

·         Sexual activity is not only for procreation.  God commanded the husband and wife to enjoy each others bodies.  Prov. 5:18-19;  Song of Songs 1:2

Therefore, sex is not something dirty or unspiritual.

·         Sexual activity is to be within the bonds of marriage.  Heb. 13:4-5

Therefore, sex is not a spectator sport to be made public in movies, books and discussion with others outside of marriage bond.

·         Husband and wife are to aim to give sexual satisfaction to each other.  1 Cor. 7:3-5;   Rom. 12:10

Therefore, selfish attitudes can hinder the sexual relationship.

·         Sexual relations in marriage are God’s way of overcoming temptation.  1 Cor. 7:5

Therefore husband and wife should not withhold sex to punish the other.

·         Sex is a servant, not a master.  1 Cor. 6:18-20

Therefore, consider sex as part of a gift God has given you and is under his control, not yours.

2. WHY PEOPLE MAY STRUGGLE WITH FULL SEXUAL ENJOYMENT

·         Past guilt from immoral sexual activities.  1 Cor. 6:15-17

·         Past or present addition to porn, romance novels and movies.

·         Attitude that sex is dirty.  1 Tim. 4:1-5

·         Past sexual or physical abuse. 

      3.  PARENTS ARE TO TEACH THEIR CHILDREN ABOUT THEIR SEXUALITY

                Here are some very general principles.  Parents should consult books and other sources for more detailed information:

·         Parents must be open to answer questions about genital parts of the body and sexual functions in the same manner they would answer a question about what the nose does.

Otherwise, the child will immediately turn to someone else to get answers.

·         Parents should use correct names for genital parts of the body, not common slang names that are used on the street in dirty talk, or common “family” names.

·         Parents should answer questions when asked and not try to go beyond the present need for information.

·         Sex education goes beyond the facts of the reproductive system.  It includes the moral and relational aspects.  Therefore, the parent cannot rely on the school or any other public system to give the complete sex education for the child.

·          Parents need to be comfortable and not embarrassed when discussing matters of sex.  Otherwise the child may feel that sex is dirty.

·         When talking about reproductive systems function of “having babies”, the parents must always connect this with marriage so that the child learns as soon as possible that all of this is to wait for marriage. 

Many of the ideas in #3 above come from the book, “From Parent to Child about Sex”, by Wilson Grant, MD, in the PIU Guam library, HQ57.G73

It is partly in outline form, but here is some information about where to draw the line when it comes to physical relationship between unmarried women and men.

Remember Heb. 13:4

Bottom-line prohibition, intercourse outside of marriage.

                Give Biblical examples.

It would appear that everything but, won’t work either.  Ex-president.

Flee, 1 Cor. 6:18, run away
abstain, resist, hold back, 1 Thes. 4:3
Ezekiel 23:3,8,21, Prov. 5:19-20, need to be considered.  Activity short of intercourse, yet problematic is indicated.

The way we are wired and 1 Thes. 4:3

A couple of paragraphs from a good article:

When the physical is not supported by a growing intellectual, emotional, and spiritual connection, the focus becomes lustful. We will call this the “breaking point.” How far is “too far”? Everything after the breaking point—the switch from affection to lust—is too far, unhealthy, and therefore sinful because they are not supported by the other aspects of intimacy. How soon the breaking point is reached will differ from couple to couple. For those who have had previous sexual experiences, the breaking point can come much sooner than for others.

In addition to lust, purposeful sexual stimulation before marriage is “too far.” Oral (mouth to genital) and manual (hand to genital) stimulation, cybersex (stimulation from pictures or words on a computer), phone sex (stimulation from conversation only), and dry sex (sexual gyration and possibly partial penetration with clothes on) can cause many of the same emotional consequences as intercourse. Sexual stimulation before marriage is also unhealthy intellectually.

Logically, it is obvious that purposeful stimulation is designed to lead to intercourse. It’s deceptive to prepare someone for nothing. Even if a male’s brain agrees that a certain point is “how far” he wants to go, his body is inclined to go further. It is repressive for couples to be turning each other on just to “shut down” before intercourse. God designed sexual stimulation to be brought to completion. Training ourselves to turn off the stimulation just when it’s supposed to get good is dangerous. It decreases our ability to give freely in marriage. In regard to sexual acts, God even warns us, saying, “Do not stir up or awaken love until it is ready! (Song 8:4). Whatever leads an individual or couple to sexual stimulation should be avoided before marriage to avoid repression.  (http://www.reapteam.org/if-not-sex-what-can-i-do 

Biblical thoughts on Human sexuality:

#1    Sex is good.

            It is part of creation.

            It is blessed in scripture.

                  Song of Solomon.

                  Proverbs 5:15-23

                  Hebrews 13:4

                  1 Cor. 7:4-5

We cannot allow the “strawman” that has been erected to oppose the standards of Christianity to stand.  The Bible is not opposed to sex.

#2    Sex has great potential for damage.

            Proverbs 1-9, esp. 2:16-21, 5:3-23, 6:24-35, 7:6-27

            1 Cor. 6:15-20

#3    Sex is intended as the means by which a husband and wife share a love one with       another that is unique to the marriage relationship.  Any other use of human       sexuality is contrary to God’s plan.

This is the pattern set forth in creation and all the rest of scripture, including those above.

      Other expressions of sexuality are condemned.

                  Ex. 20:14

                  Matt. 5:27-30

                  1 Cor. 6:9

                  Heb. 13:4

                  Rom. 1:26-27

#4    Unmarried are to conduct themselves in such a way so as to not arouse undue sexual pressure.

            1 Thes. 4:3-7

#5    The expression of sexuality is to always be in a giving, not taking,  mode.

            1 Cor. 7:4-5

            The example of Song of Solomon.

            1 Peter 3:7

            Eph. 5:25,28,29

#6    An important part of a successful marriage will be a fulfilling sexual relationship.     This also provides a solid foundation for passing on to our children sound values.

All of the scripture above would indicate that this is so.

Pro. 5 was part of Solomon’s, to “my son” section.  How much more powerful would his counsel have been if he had modeled it.

A couple’s sexual relationship may be either a thermometer or a thermostat--a symptom or a cause of good or bad relationship.

This is from some sermon notes that were hanging around on my hard drive, so it may be a bit rough, but there is some good content here.

1 Thessalonians 4:1-8, Lives of Purity in a Sex-Saturated World:

First a bit of review:

This is not all that is contained in these chapters, but

• Chapter one gives the incredible way that these people at Thessalonica  responded to the Gospel, see vs. 9-10
• This came about, at least in part, because of the dedicated servants who in a totally unselfish way share the Good-News with these folk.  That is the theme of chapter 2.  See vs. 9-12.
• In chapter 3 we get a peak into the heart of the Apostle Paul--his intense concern for the welfare and perseverance of this infant church.  See vs. 7-10.

One of the prominent themes of the rest of the book has to do with improvement.

Were the people in the church at Thessalonica doing well?  Yes!

Could they do better?  Without a doubt.

Note the words “excel still more.”  (4:1,9)  Paul tells them in 5:1 that they have no need for anything to be written to them, but he does anyhow.

The passage we are considering this morning, 4:1-8, is part of this improvement project.

Like us the Christians at Thessalonica lived in a world with very loose sexual standards.  So listen up!

Survey of the Biblical usage of pornea, fornication, or sexual sin:

In this survey I am using the English words, sexual sin, to translate the Greek work pornea.  This is in keeping with the fact the pornea is a more general word than fornication, as it has been historically used in our culture.  I.E. fornication is often seen as distinct from other kinds of sexual offenses, such as adultery, homosexuality, pornography, etc.; pornea, as used in the Bible is broad enough to cover all of them.

Matthew 5:32, 19:9        
Since adultery is one form of sexual sin, inappropriate divorce is, or at least sexual sin.

leads to,

Matthew 5:27-28, 15:1/9, Proverbs 5:19-20, Mark 7:21   
These passages make plain that sexual sin is not merely a physical matter.  It begins, and can even be completed, in the mind.  Ephesians 5:3 says sexual sin should have no place at all in our lives.  Jesus spoke of dealing with temptation, including sexual enticements, with absolute ruthlessness (Matthew 5:28-29, Mark 9:47, see also Romans 13:13-14).

Acts 15:20, 29, 21:25, 1 Thessalonians 4:3
We are to abstain, or hold back from, sexual sin.  Nature, if left unchecked will lead us to sin.
1 Corinthians 5:10-11 indicates that sexual sin is to be expected in the world.  1 Corinthians 7 acknowledges that the desire that can lead to sexual sin is natural.  Many of the warnings in Proverbs 1-9 give essentially the same message. Galatians  5:19 says that sexual sin is a work of the flesh.  The argument that says, “The lust for sex is a natural desire, therefore the fulfillment of that desire must always be acceptable.” is bogus.  The Bible acknowledges that it is a natural—even good—desire, yet clearly instructs us to abstain, except in the one situation where it is sanctioned—within marriage.  There the instruction, 1 Corinthians 7, is the exact opposite.

1 Corinthians 6:9, Ephesians 5:5
A troubling aspect of New Testament teaching is that certain passages appear to indicate that people guilty of particular sins will not go to heaven.  Included in these is sexual sin.  It is not that God cannot or will not forgive sexual sin.  He can and does.  Rather these passages indicate a person whose life is marked by this kind of sin is demonstrating that they are not God’s child.  A professing Christian living a life of habitual sexual sin presents a conflict between profession, and practice.  2 Corinthians 12:21 gives the appropriate Biblical response, repent.

1 Corinthians 10:8, 1 Thessalonians 4:6-8, Hebrews 13:4, Jude 7:
Sexual sin is frequently listed as bringing God’s judgment.

Again from Steve Bradley, here are some thoughts on singleness:

SINGLENESS

Biblical Examples and Principles

1. OT singleness was rare.  Marriage was the norm.  Males usually married by age 15-16 and females by age 13.  Singles included widows, eunuchs (people unable to father children, or choosing celibacy), unfit because of disease, divinely called such as Jeremiah, the divorced and unmarried young men and women waiting for a spouse.

2. In the NT, marriage is still considered the norm, but singleness is considered an advantage for those called to it.  People could be single for the same reasons stated above, but there was also singleness viewed as a gift by God (1 Cor 7:7) and as a calling extended by God and accepted by those so called. (Mt. 19:11-12)

3. Singles are promised better blessings than natural children from a marriage:
• Isa. 56:4-5, “To the eunuchs who keep my Sabbaths, who choose what pleases me and hold fast to my covenant – to them I will give within my temple and its walls a memorial and a name better than sons and daughters . . .”
• The family of God does not grow by propagation through natural marriage, but by regeneration through faith in Christ.  (John 1:12-13)
• Singles are freer to minister for the building up of the body of Christ which is of higher value and more permanent than human marriage and family.  (Mt. 12:48-49;  Lk. 11:27-28;  Mk. 10:29-30;  1 Cor. 7:32-35)
• Marriage is temporary and finally gives way to the relationship to which it was pointing all along – Christ and his church. 

Practical Implications

1. Singles (as well as married people) need to keep in mind the fact that the married state is not the final destiny of anyone.  (Mt. 22:30).  Rather, when we arrive in God’s presence, we are ultimately betrothed to the Lamb to be with him and glorify him forever.  (Isa. 43:7;  1 Cor. 10:31;  2Cor. 11:2)

2. In view of our ultimate destiny and our current betrothal to Christ, it is imperative that singles remain content, or as the apostle Paul wrote, “There is great gain in godliness and contentment” (1 Tim. 6:6).  In other words, when Christian singles display habitual discontentment with their present marital status, they communicate to a watching world that Jesus is insufficient for them, or that perhaps he is incapable of meeting their desires (or unaware of them).

3. Single people ought to keep in mind the fact that all who forsake marriage and family in the present world for the sake of God are in this life rewarded with a new family in the Body of Christ, as well as with an eternal family in the kingdom of heaven.  (Lk. 18:28-30)

Most of this material was taken from two books:  God, Marriage and Family, by Andreas Kostenberger and This Momentary Marriage, by John Piper

Finally, here is an article that takes a scientific look at something that is obvious to any unbiased observer.  It is originally published at http://www.buffalo.edu/ubreporter/archive/2011_08_11/rolling_stone_images

Sociologist Erin Hatton examined the covers of Rolling Stone magazine over the past several decades to measure changes in the sexualization of men and women in popular media over time. Photo: DOUGLAS LEVERE

By PATRICIA DONOVAN

Published: Aug. 11, 2011

A study by UB sociologists has found that the portrayal of women in the popular media over the past several decades has become increasingly sexualized, even “pornified.” The same is not true of the portrayal of men.

These findings may be cause for concern, the researchers say, because previous research has found sexualized images of women to have far-reaching negative consequences for both men and women.

Erin Hatton and Mary Nell Trautner, assistant professors in the Department of Sociology, are the authors of “Equal Opportunity Objectification? The Sexualization of Men and Women on the Cover of Rolling Stone,” which examines the covers of Rolling Stone magazine from 1967 to 2009 to measure changes in the sexualization of men and women in popular media over time.

The study will be published in the September issue of the journal Sexuality & Culture.

“We chose Rolling Stone,” explains Hatton, “because it is a well-established, pop-culture media outlet. It is not explicitly about sex or relationships; foremost it is about music. But it also covers politics, film, television and current events, and so offers a useful window into how women and men are portrayed generally in popular culture.”

After analyzing more than 1,000 images of men and women on Rolling Stone covers over the course of 43 years, the authors came to several conclusions. First, representations of both women and men have indeed become more sexualized over time, and second, women continue to be more frequently sexualized than men. Their most striking finding, however, was the change in how intensely sexualized images of women—but not men—have become.

In order to measure the intensity of sexualized representations men and women, the authors developed a “scale of sexualization.” An image was given “points” for being sexualized if, for example, the subject’s lips were parted or his/her tongue was showing, the subject was only partially clad or naked, or the text describing the subject used explicitly sexual language.

Based on this scale, the authors identified three categories of images: those that were, for the most part, not sexualized (i.e., scoring 0-4 points on the scale); those that were sexualized (5-10 points); and those that were so intensely sexualized that the authors labeled them “hypersexualized” (11-23 points).

In the 1960s, they found that 11 percent of men and 44 percent of women on the covers of Rolling Stone were sexualized. In the 2000s, 17 percent of men were sexualized (an increase of 55 percent from the 1960s) and 83 percent of women were sexualized (an increase of 89 percent). Among those images that were sexualized, 2 percent of men and 61 percent of women were hypersexualized. “In the 2000s,” Hatton says, “there were 10 times more hypersexualized images of women than men and 11 times more non-sexualized images of men than of women.

“What we conclude from this is that popular media outlets such as Rolling Stone are not depicting women as sexy musicians or actors; they are depicting women musicians and actors as ready and available for sex. This is problematic,” Hatton says, “because it indicates a decisive narrowing of media representations of women.

“We don’t necessarily think it’s problematic for women to be portrayed as ‘sexy.’ But we do think it is problematic when nearly all images of women depict them not simply as ‘sexy women’ but as passive objects for someone else’s sexual pleasure.”

These findings are important, the authors say, because a plethora of research has found such images to have a range of negative consequences.

“Sexualized portrayals of women have been found to legitimize or exacerbate violence against women and girls, as well as sexual harassment and anti-women attitudes among men and boys,” Hatton says. “Such images also have been shown to increase rates of body dissatisfaction and/or eating disorders among men, women and girls; and they have even been shown to decrease sexual satisfaction among both men and women.

“For these reasons,” says Hatton, “we find the frequency of sexualized images of women in popular media, combined with the extreme intensity of their sexualization, to be cause for concern.”

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